Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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