my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
