So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
