I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
