And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
