Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
