Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
this hospital has no fireball
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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