when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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