I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
