Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
