Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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