if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
