I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
