Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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