I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
