they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
