I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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