Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
