Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
