do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
