Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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