No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
