I want to have your abortion
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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