im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
