What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
