I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
