Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize