i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Did I show you my penis last night?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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