It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
