get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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