Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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