I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
