After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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