Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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