I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
