Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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