About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
