Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
