I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
