I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
