So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
