Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
