I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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