I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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