Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
