they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
