): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
