I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want a musical about memes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
