she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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