I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
