My liver just broke up with me...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she told me i tasted like america
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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