How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
