So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
