How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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