I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
