Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize