It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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