Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
