like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
