Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
