No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
