The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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