I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
