I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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