I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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