the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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