im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
