I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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