I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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