Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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