Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
